I’m honestly not sure exactly what I’m saying in this blog, it just felt right that I wrote something at the very least.
It’s been a few weeks since I devoted more time to my fiction novel in terms of my working day, and on reflection its been the best thing I’ve ever done on my journey as a writer.
It’s not that I no longer enjoying writing around law, far from it in fact. It’s more about letting my imagination loose, probably for the first time since I was a young boy growing up in a lonely, and often scary world. One where my father had been long since gone by my tenth birthday, where my mother cared less for my welfare than I deserved, and where I felt I had no way to escape the pain of my own existence. In fact, to write about this now leaves me heavy hearted and sad, so I can only imagine how it felt way back then.
The premise for my debut novel came to me a long while ago, and yet as I slowly build a world that readers can invest themselves into, I continually have to overcome emotional and logical obstacles that threaten to stand in my way. Not because this book is so impossibly challenging to write, but because it’s like learning to walk moments after waking from a forty-year coma. And if there’s anybody unfortunate enough to know how that feels, I can only extend my sympathy as I reach out for some empathy of my own.
I suppose if there’s anything positive to take from all of this angst, it’s that my future is cemented to an insatiable pursuit of storytelling through the written word, and I feel as if I’m just starting out, even though I’m almost fifty, which leaves me to assume (rightly or wrongly) that I’m what’s known as a ‘late bloomer’, or at least I hope that’s true, and that I’m not just kidding myself here.
Anyway, that’s all I can think of sharing today, however I would just add that while these emotional moments will one day become points of interest in this thing we call life, it always feels as if they’ll never end when I submit to their power.
I guess that’s why I spend so much of my time avoiding them.